


What I’m gonna live for (What I’m gonna die for)

by stjarna



Series: Season 4 - Coda Challenge [23]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with some fluff, Bus Kids - Freeform, Coda, Coda Challenge, Coda Challenge @The FitzSimmons Network, F/M, Gen, Inspired by various tumblr posts, Missing Scene, Speculation, post S04E13 "BOOM!"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-10
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-09-23 07:35:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9646580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stjarna/pseuds/stjarna
Summary: Missing scene post-4x13. Bus kids return to the playground after securing Shockley.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "The Quest" by Bryn Christopher 
> 
> Parts of this fic were heavily inspired by various awesome Tumblr posts. I've added links to the original posts.

“Well, at least we have Shockley secured, or whatever fucked-up gas you said he turns into,” Daisy says, sounding noticeably exhausted as she enters the lab where Jemma and Fitz are storing away their equipment. “Your giant [pokéball](http://blake-wyatt.tumblr.com/post/156968100119/sedoifcvjdfiojvdfiovjdf-did-fitzsimmons-catch-an) worked like a charm.”

Fitz straightens up, tilting his head and squinting his eyes in annoyance. “It’s _not_ a giant pokéball! It’s an engineering _masterpiece_ that saved our arses tonight!”

Daisy shrugs. “It’s a _ball_. It has _stripes._ The round thing in the front changed _color_ when you caught him. All that was missing was ‘Gotcha’ being written in the night sky—”

Fitz raises his shoulders, gesturing at Daisy with both hands. “When do you even have time to play Pokémon?”

“Could ask you the same thing, Fitzy my dear,” Daisy replies snarkily.

“Would you two _cut it out_ , please?” Jemma exclaims, her tone harsh and agitated, making Fitz’s and Daisy’s heads shoot in her direction in an instant. “In case you haven’t noticed, we’re one Director short!” Jemma continues angrily. “Mace tried to find his _bloody_ place in our team, and we wouldn’t give him one, so he picked ‘ _stupid_ idiot who sacrifices himself’—”

“He gave us a way out,” Fitz replies in frustration, louder than intended, gesturing to the door. “Maybe it wasn’t the smartest move, but _you_ told me to go and leave him behind because _you_ _knew_ that’s the choice he made. Don’t call him a _stupid_ idiot who sacrifices himself… We all know you like to reserve that title for _me_ ,” he adds, pointing at himself.

“Oh, don’t get me started!” Jemma yells back, glaring at him with fiery eyes. “You almost got yourself _killed_ again today, trying to play the hero.”

“I tried to stop Shockley from blowing the bloody _Zephyr_ to pieces, thank you very much!” Fitz shouts, throwing one hand in the air.

“You could have been _killed_!” Jemma counters, tears in her eyes.

“The whole bloody plane would have been blown to _bits_ if Mace and I hadn’t tried to get him into the pod!” Fitz replies. “ _You_ would have been killed right along with me!” he adds, pointing at Jemma.

“Guys! Guys! Hey!” Daisy chimes in, trying to bring the situation under control. “Slow down. Okay.” She waits until she has the attention of both scientists. “We’ve _all_ had our share of trying to sacrifice ourselves for the greater good or for the people who matter most to us, okay? Let’s not throw that into each other’s faces right now.”

Jemma takes a deep breath, trying to refocus. “Well,” she says, more calmly, “until Coulson and Mack return to the base, _I_ am the highest-ranking agent. _I_ ’m in charge. To my knowledge, Mace has _no_ training in withstanding torture. He is wearing a suit that can give him superhuman strength but could _kill_ him at any moment. He’s in the hands of an organization that _hates_ Inhumans and thinks he _is_ one… In _fact_ , _they_ think he’s the most famous Inhuman of them all, aside from _Quake_ maybe—” She gestures at Daisy with both hands, before continuing. “The Watchdogs have him and not only is _his_ life at stake, _all_ our lives are at stake! _S.H.I.E.L.D._ is at stake. _I_ ’m in charge. And I have _no_ bloody clue what to do!” She exhales sharply, her breath shaky and agitated. Nervously, she crosses her arms in front of her chest.

“Well. You’re not alone in this, Jemma,” Fitz says softly, walking over to her and gently squeezing her shoulder. “Yes, you’re the highest-ranking agent, but that doesn’t mean you have to come up with the solution by yourself. We’re in this together. That’s when we’re at our best. We’re a team!” He draws a horizontal circle in the air, gesturing at all three people in the room.

“We are,” Daisy agrees and steps closer to Fitzsimmons, resting her hands on her hips. “And Jemma’s right. We never gave Mace a chance to become part of that. We _all_ at some point felt like he did: not sure what we were meant to do, what our _purpose_ was.” She scoffs. “ _Hell_ , I felt like a fucking _idiot_ for the first few months after Coulson brought me on. ‘Consultant’ my _ass_!”

She points at the two scientists. “And _you_ didn’t exactly feel at home in the field either if I recall. But add a few years of bonding time and a shitload of crap that happened to us and we’re an oiled machine and Mace didn’t fit in.” She shrugs. “But he tried. And today, he decided that—” Daisy breaks off, unable to finish the sentence. “But yeah, we need to find him, because, like Jemma said… He’s the face. The mascot we pull out for the press. Who knows how the guy’s gonna handle torture? And S.H.I.E.L.D.’s secrets aside, he deserves to be rescued. Team that trusts bullshit and all that. He _earned_ our trust! He’s _part_ of our team. He _deserves_ that we do for him what we’re doing for May!”

Daisy takes a deep breath. “Fitz, how long is that serum from his power suit gonna keep him at full strength?”

“Twenty-four hours tops,” Fitz replies, scratching his neck nervously. “But I don’t know what will happen if they torture him, weaken him. The suit is pretty tough but … _Shite_!” he exclaims.

“What?” Daisy and Jemma ask in unison.

“ _Bloody hell!_ ” Fitz exclaims, rushing over to his workbench. “I can’t believe I’m such an idiot.”

“Fitz, don’t—” Jemma tries to interject, but he interrupts her.

“The _suit_!” he yells, opening his laptop and typing vigorously. “The bloody suit has a heart rate monitor _and_ GPS!”

“Fitz!” Jemma exclaims excitedly, while Daisy mutters a quiet, “Fuck yeah!”

Fitz is breathing heavily when he takes a step to the side, gesturing at the screen. “Well, we have a heartbeat and a location—on the move,” he notes.

For a moment all three of them stare at the screen in silence, their eyes following the small moving dot on a map, the steady but fast heartbeat blinking in the corner.

“At least we know he’s still alive and _wearing_ his suit,” Jemma remarks. “He’s distressed though,” she adds, pointing at Mace’s heart rate.

“Keep tracking him!” Daisy exclaims, slamming her hand on the workbench and pointing at Fitzsimmons. “I’m taking the tact team,” she adds, turning around to head for the door.

“Shouldn’t we wait until Coulson gets back here?” Jemma interjects.

“You tell me, highest-ranking agent on this base,” Daisy counters. “You’re the boss.”

Jemma pauses, taking a slow breath and glancing briefly at Fitz. “Go,” she says, shaking her head slightly. “We’ll let Coulson know. I’m sure he’s gonna turn his quinjet around to follow you.”

Daisy nods and takes a few more steps towards the door.

“What if the heartbeat stops?” Fitz throws into the room.

“Then I’m gonna assume they took off his suit,” Daisy replies matter-of-factly. “They’d be _stupid_ to kill him. He’s no use to them dead. At least if we find his suit we’ll know an approximate location. I won’t stop ‘til I find him. And Watchdogs better pray I find him alive!”

“Go!” Jemma repeats, nodding. “Don’t do anything stupid!” she yells after Daisy, who turns around briefly, grinning mischievously.

“Me? Never!”

“Ugh!” Jemma groans, running her hand over her pulled back hair and turning around to face Fitz.

The corner of his mouth twitches slightly, forcing a sad encouraging smile. “They’ll find him,” he says quietly, nodding ever so slightly. “And when he gets back you can yell at him for being such a bloody idiot trying to play the hero,” he adds jokingly. “You got your speech down already.”

Jemma chuckles sadly, wiping away a tear that snuck down her cheek. “I’m sorry, Fitz,” she whispers, sighing deeply. “I know you saved us today. It’s just—” She shakes her head.

“I get it, Jemma,” Fitz interrupts her. He walks closer to her, placing both hands on her shoulders. “You feel like it’s a habit of mine or something. But it’s not. Believe it or not, I’m not _trying_ to get myself killed. Quite the opposite: I _want_ to live.” He squeezes her shoulders, smiling at her. “I’ve never been happier than I’ve been with you and I don’t want that to end. Daisy’s right. We’ve all had our share of trying to sacrifice ourselves for the greater good or the people who matter most to us.”

Jemma closes her eyes, shaking her head. “I know,” she admits. “ _I_ jumped out of an airplane when I thought the alien virus would kill me to save the rest of the team. _I_ jumped in front of an unknown grenade to save Daisy and you! _I_ told you to let Hydra _kill_ me so we wouldn’t accidentally bring back Hive—”

“And _I_ couldn’t let them do that,” Fitz continues. “So _I_ went and risked my life instead, _and_ I brought him back—which is a whole different story—and… I _know_ what I did at the bottom of the ocean, _or_ while I tried to figure out what happened to you when the monolith took you.” He sighs. “Maybe I _was_ reckless and I risked my life and I know I’ve developed a bit of a track record, but… I’m _not_ trying, Jemma.”

He bites his lower lip, trying to calm his shaky breathing. “Every day, I’m trying to stay alive. For _you_!” He explains, blinking away tears. “Because I don’t want to cause you pain. I don’t want you to go through that again. With Will. I… I don’t.”

He exhales. “When I was in the other dimension, I _fought_! I fought to get back to you. _Hell_ , I made AIDA read the bloody Darkhold, because I couldn’t leave you behind alone. I want to stay alive _for you_!”

He sighs, letting the air escape through his rounded lips. “But, at the same time, [I’d die for S.H.I.E.L.D., I’d die for the world, and most importantly, even though you don’t want to hear it, I’d die for _you_.” He shrugs his shoulders. “I would let the world _burn_ if it somehow meant you were safe.](http://rosamund-pike.tumblr.com/post/156982520949/i-have-so-many-feelings-about-simmons-being-so) But _today_ , I _didn’t_ try to get myself killed, Jemma. I tried to _save_ us. _All_ of us! _You_ included! … _And_ I succeeded, might I add.”

He smiles, and she’s unable to stop her lips from doing the same.

“I know,” she admits, gazing into his blue eyes. “I know. Risking our lives… It comes with our job and… ugh… I hate that. I’m so tired of that… I—” Her voice breaks off.

“I know,” Fitz replies, tucking away a strand of her hair. “Don’t you think I feel the same way?” He sniffs. “Don’t you think I’d rather spend my days next to you in a cottage in Perthshire somewhere?” He exhales slowly. “But the world needs us. Our work… it matters.”

Jemma scoffs. “But our lives matter too, don’t you think?”

He laughs, the tip of his tongue briefly darting out the corner of his mouth. “Of course they do. Your life matters more to me than _anything_!” he confirms, giving her shoulders another squeeze. “[I’d risk the world for you, Jemma, but I wouldn’t risk _you_ for the world!](http://rosamund-pike.tumblr.com/post/156982520949/i-have-so-many-feelings-about-simmons-being-so) And I know you hate me saying that and I know—”

“I’d do it too,” Jemma interjects. “That’s the problem, Fitz. It’s not just you.” She sighs deeply. “Maybe you’ve tried harder or had more opportunities, but I… I’d do anything to keep you safe as well.” She presses her lips into a thin line. “And I feel selfish, but I _want_ to be selfish,” she adds sternly. “I want _you_! With me! _Safe_! Whatever it takes and… and our work won’t let us because—”

“The world needs us,” he finishes her sentence, his eyes growing more serious and sad.

“We _deserve_ a break,” Jemma remarks, squinting her eyes, a few stray tears rolling down her cheeks. “A week off. A month. A year. A _life_.” She tries to steady her voice while sobs shake her body. “I want a happy life. A future. We _deserve_ that! _We_ deserve that, Fitz!”

He wipes her tears away with his thumbs, nodding in agreement, his own eyes blurry from fighting back tears. “I’d jump on that boat in a heartbeat, Jemma. You know I would. But right now—”

Jemma inhales slowly, feeling her body grow calmer. “May. Mace. The Watchdogs. Radcliffe. I know,” she says dryly, her hands reaching for the loops on his belt, pulling him closer.

“We’ll get there,” Fitz states, letting his hands glide from her shoulders to her back, pulling her closer until her head rests against his chest. “Cosmos won’t stop us,” he adds, stroking her hair with one hand.

“I promised you,” he whispers, placing a kiss onto her hair. “I promised we wouldn’t let them rip us apart and I intend to keep that promise. I’m trying!”

Gently he pushes her away until she looks up to face him. “I’m not trying to get myself killed,” he reminds her, his eyes wide and honest. “And _you_ won’t either. Let’s… let’s stick together. Where _you_ go… I’ll go. That’s it. If we go, we go together! If you die… I die by your side!”

Jemma chuckles sadly. “We can’t make that promise, Fitz.”

“We can try,” he says barely above a whisper, shrugging his shoulders.

The corners of her mouths quirk up slightly. “Can we add the proviso that we won’t die for a very _very_ long time?”

He smiles at her, his fingers tracing her hairline. “Works for me,” he says quietly, before leaning down to brush his lips against hers.


End file.
